María Elena Arpón's Sexy Filmography

Movies this celebrity has appeared sexy or nude in...

year title
1971 Tombs of the Blind Dead 1 Review

nudity reviews for María Elena Arpón member submitted

Tombs of the Blind Dead (1971)
muckster was written on June 29, 2007

Gratuitous full moon at midnight

Virginia (Maria) is spending the night alone at an abandoned priory in Portugal. She's barricaded herself safely in and lit herself a fire, so naturally the next thing to do is to take off all her clothes and get into her pyjamas. Off comes the blouse to reveal a sturdy white bra, then it's down with the shorts and GASP!!! No knickers! She shows a beautifully ample and well-rounded behind with a pale shadow from a modest bikini, and as a bonus it's oh-so-tastefully filmed through the flickering flames of the fire. Spoilsports might claim this is a blatant case of body doubling, but at least whoever it is has the same figure as Maria. As scenes of utterly gratuitous nudity go this one needs to go on record as an absolute classic, so I'm going to allow Maria to keep her star whatever the truth of the matter.

So what's Virginia doing up at this place anyway? Well, happily enough it all goes back to a case of schoolgirl lesbianism. She's away on a train journey with her not-really boyfriend Roger (César Burner), but old school chum Betty (Lone Fleming) has somehow tagged along and has started flirting with Roger. For poor Virginia, already struggling with very ambivalent feelings towards Betty, this is too much and she flees the carriage for a quiet sob. Betty catches up with her and tries to shake her out of the funk by reminding her of the times at school when they shared a room together. Cue flashback. This piece of nightie-clad lezzie first love is so badly done it really has to be seen to be believed. I can't bring myself to describe it, except that when Betty gets Virginia down on the bed for a snog it looks exactly like she's practising resuscitation exercises on a plastic dummy. Worse, the twee musical accompaniment sounds like an elderly spinster improvising lift music on a Bontempi organ. Unfortunately it turns out that this is Virginia's "theme", and is to recur! In one even-more-ridiculous-than-the-schoolgirl-bit scene it plays at such a bizarrely inappropriate moment that it would have ruined the entire thing if it hadn't been ruined already as soon as the characters walked in through the door.

Getting back to the point, this sapphic reminiscing from Betty was exactly what her friend did not want to hear, and a distraught Virginia not only decides to follow in the grand old tradition of horror films and make a beeline for the nearest set of accursed ruins, but actually jumps off a moving train to do so. I had her down as a bit of a sour-faced crybaby, but it turns out this girl's got pluck! So she makes her way to the priory at Berzano, blissfully unaware of the place's evil reputation, which is what the film is all about. The eponymous Blind Dead, zombie/vampire type skeletal things rising from the grave in tattered robes to menace young maidens who stray near at midnight. They are spooky!

Later on Virginia has a couple of chances to walk around naked like that bird in Lifeforce in scenes which are too wacky and stupid to describe, but she bottles it and keeps herself discreetly covered in the appropriate places. Shame.

Despite the chaotic and nonsensical storyline and the misfired attempts to spice it up with shoehorned-in sex and sadism, this is a classic old-fashioned gothic horror and well worth a watch. Note that if you want to see the sleazy bits you'll need the 101 minute Spanish version, the English language version being cut by 15 minutes to get a PG rating.

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