Profile Curmudgeon

Topless on rooftop

To make a point, Nina Wise (Kate Jenkinson) strings up a rooftop banner: "I'M NOT A PRUDE", then calls up her boyfriend so he'll look at her from another building. She whips off her shirt to parade in front of the banner topless (with pink bikini bottoms and bunny ears). (Then she stumbles and falls, clinging precariously to the banner until rescued by the police.)

Clear breasts and backside in low light

In the first 2 minutes of "Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man" we see Mitzi lying naked on a bed as Mickey Rourke gets dressed to leave. Her lower body is twisted to the right to obscure her crotch area, but the rest of her front is visible. She turns on her left side as Mickey opens the door, letting light spill across her front. Then the camera cuts to a view from the other side of the room across her full naked backside, lit momentarily better by a flash of light from an exploding New Year's firework outside. Mitzi has a taut body with natural breasts and no tan lines.

Full nudity in light lesbian scene

In "Nicole's Revenge (1995)" Jacqueline Lovell (blonde) has a light lesbian scene with Nikki Frame (brunette). By "light" I mean that it's mostly shot in a non-explicit fashion, so you can't tell if the action is simulated or real. There are scenes involving possible cunnilingus, but shot from the side so you can't see anything except a head between legs. There's a vibrator, but those shots are either front-on (so you can't tell if it's making clitoral contact or just grazing the labia) or from the side (where a leg obscures whatever might be going on); plus the vibration sound could be real, or added in later.

The nudity itself is complete. While there's not much contact that could get one of these two women off, each woman uses her fingers to draw the other's labia outward, which is caught very explicitly by the camera. Both Jacqueline and Nikki have their labia shaved, but fluffy bushes above. We see lots of genitalia, but no noticeable wetness. The end of the scene involves them rubbing pussies together, shot straight between their legs in closeup. While "Nicole's Revenge" isn't particularly sexual, you can't get more nudity without stirrups and a speculum.

Naked in prison shower scene

In "The L Word" # 52 (Season 5, # 2) Helena Peabody, played by Rachel Shelley, is taking her first shower in prison. There are a bunch of other naked women, but they're more typical of actual hardened prison inmates rather than the "Girls in Prison" fantasy fare. Jackie, played by Lenore Zann, is at the next shower head and likes the looks of new inmate Helena, so she saunters over, naked and with a knife in hand to "befriend" Helena. This is a full-frontal view in good lighting, with Lenore's pubes at the bottom of the screen. Jackie moves in and holds the knife at Helena's throat until she's called off by Helena's cellmate. When she leaves we get a good view of Lenore's backside down to her upper thighs. Rachel Shelley's upper body is also on display in this scene.

Lenore was 47 at the time of this episode, and fairly pudgy. While she's not particularly attractive here, her nudity is both well-lit and of reasonable duration: 20+ seconds of a 2 minute scene.

Topless in lesbian seduction scene

In "The L Word" # 52 (Season 5, # 2), at about the 46 minutes into the episode: Lynda Boyd plays the mother of the bride at a wedding. During the reception afterward she decides to seduce the lesbian hairdresser Shane, played by Katherine Moennig, and she takes off her top while giving her the verbal come-on. The lighting is good, she's naked from the waist up, and facing directly at the camera. Her legs up to the garters holding up her stockings are also on display. About half a minute later the noise she makes while getting the magic fingers treatment by Shane attracts her two bridesmaid daughters (both of whom had gotten the Shane treatment previously) and they bust in on the sex scene. Lynda is seen again in 3/4 profile.

The total nudity by Lynda is about half a minute, and all very well lit. I believe this is Lynda's first on-screen nudity, at age 43.

Naked in dim lighting

In Episode 8 of Season 1 of "Dexter", Julie is first seen wearing only a long white T-shirt; her nipples are clearly poking through the thin cotton. Then she straddles Dexter (Michael C. Hall) and pulls off the T-shirt. We get a waist-up naked view of her from the left side, but the lighting is very dim so it's hard to make out her breast. The camera pulls back and a bit to the side so we see her from the butt up; the lighting is better on this side so we get a good view of Julie's all-over tan.

Full nude back, and side of breast

In Season 2 Episode 1 of "Dexter", Rita (Julie Benz) takes off her robe to entice Dexter (Michael C. Hall) into bed for a morning quickie. Initially we see a full-length back shot, showing a dark tan with slightly paler butt cheeks. They move into bed but Dexter's shirt obscures most of the action. When distracted Dexter can't perform on demand they sit up and we see most of the side of her right breast, briefly.

Brief breasts in subdued lighting

At about 1:11 into "Boynton Beach Club", Sally Kellerman is sitting on a bed with a sheet wrapped around her from the waist down. Len Cariou, playing a recent widower, walks in and is flummoxed by this unexpected display. His reaction causes Sally to pull the sheet up to cover her breasts.

Kellerman's breasts have never been large or especially perky, yet they're shown to advantage here with a straight frontal shot and no signs of tan lines. She's trim and in excellent shape for her age, but that *is* 68 in this 2005 flick.

Topless in thong

At 0:42 into "Kiss the Bride", various members of the upcoming wedding party decide to go skinny dipping in the Atlantic Ocean. A couple of guys get nude, but the only woman to bare anything significant is Vanessa Parise, who stops at her thong. This is a nighttime scene so rather dark, but by cranking up the brightness you can tell that her butt cheeks and breasts are paler than the rest of her skin. Vanessa's butt is plainly shown, but her breasts are mostly hidden by Amanda Detmers (who doesn't take anything off). Both breasts are displayed briefly, twice.

Brief breasts in bed

In episode 3, "Something About Commitment", Liz May Brice plays Karen. She's in bed with Michael in the morning after an unsatisfying night together. She sits up and the sheet falls below her all-natural breasts. The exposure is brief, but the lighting is good and she's facing close to square to the camera.

Bare breasts, several times

In episode 2.8, Lauren has a guest role as stewardess Jodie Wilkes. In the plot, it's unseasonably warm in London and the Fresh! jet is at the end of the airport while a fault is being diagnosed. Jodie announces she's going to go top off her tan and proceeds to walk out on top of the starboard wing while stripping topless. Her tan breasts are clearly visible. (She's joined by 3 other flight attendants, including one male, but there's not much display by them.) The sunbathing stews are photographed and the shot shows up on the cover of a tabloid paper. Later Jodie appears with the male flight attendant in a photo shoot to publicize the event; she wears lingerie in the shoot, but there's a still of her topless added to the background in the lingerie video.

Quick nipple flashes

Naomi plays regular cast member Lehann Evans, a Fresh! Air stewardess.
In episode 2.8 it's unseasonably warm in London and the Fresh! jet is at the end of the runway while a fault is being diagnosed. Four of the stews, including Lehann, go out on the port wing to top off their tans. Naomi attempts to cover herself, but her nipple appears twice, very briefly. (Gotta love a VCR with a jog/shuttle wheel.)

Brief left nipple, and most of breasts

In the second-season episode "Star Signs" Terry plays Lacey Banks, a wife having an affair. At 1:30 into the episode on the DVD the outside half of her left breast is exposed at the bottom right of the frame and her left nipple is briefly visible (combined exposure for nipple and areola is about 1/2 second). A few seconds later she's shown lying down, with her left arm across the center of her breasts. The lower curves of both breasts are visible for about 10 seconds. Terry is uniformly untanned, and her breasts are natural.

Brief left breast

In this movie Rosa Blasi plays Vicky Amador and Bob Hoskins plays Manuel Noriega. Vicky is at her dressing table wearing black panties and an open white robe, displaying her left breast and the inner part of her right breast when Manuel comes up behind her. She also wraps her legs around Manuel's head from behind while wearing this robe, but his head mostly blocks her breasts, displaying mainly cleavage.

Brief breasts

In the episode "Nina's Muse" photographer Nina (Thea Gill) is obsessed with her male neighbor who has lots of casual sex with other men. Following him with her camera one day he discovers her voyeuristic fascination, and they go back to her place where she shows him all the photos she's taken of him. He says he likes being watched, and proceeds to take off his clothes so she can look at him. Nina gets turned on and strips down to her black undies, then jumps on him and they simulate some sex (except the undies never get taken off). Her breasts are shown a few times for a total of only a couple of seconds. This is at the very end of the episode. Thea's breasts are all natural, with erect nipples.

Breasts and full rear exposure

Torri and Albert Schultz are in bed together in a dimly lit bedroom. He's on top of her covering her breasts a lot, but we get decent views of both breasts a few times. Torri gets out of bed and we see her fully naked from the rear. Her breasts are small and natural, with noticeable tan lines.

Naked from rear

"Bliss" is a Canadian series about (mostly) women pursuing their sexual gratification, usually without regard to the consequences. "Valentine's Day in Jail" is the first episode in the series, and in it Torri Higginson plays a teacher to inmates at a men's prison who develops an attraction for one of the convicts. On her first social visit with the convict they duck under a table and have sex while the guard is on a break, but are discovered when the guard returns. During the sex scene Torri's partner is fully naked but we only see his flank. Torri is (at least) topless, but the convict's hands and body block most of her breasts. However, after the discovery, Torri is forced to undergo a cavity search by a matron. We see her fully naked from the back as she bends down to retrieve her clothes. She's tanned, without tan lines.

"Night Games": Left nipple, for one frame

In this, her first of four guest appearances on "Silk Stalkings", Barabara Niven (as "Barbara Lee Alexander") plays a conniving hooker-turned-wife. She offers her body to seduce a private investigator (hired by her jealous husband to spy on her) so that he'll start working for her. At 25:44 into the episode on the DVD you see her left nipple for a single frame as she's dropping her robe, just before they cut the scene. Her breast (and everything else visible) is uniformly tanned, and the nipple is erect.

Flash of left nipple through window blinds

In the first-season episode "Baser Instincts" Randi Ingerman plays an actress who's been cast in a movie to play a nymphomaniac. For the actress this isn't much of a stretch, demonstrated by changing wardrobe with the dressing room window blinds open while Chris Lorenzo watches her from outside. She flashes her left nipple for under a second while doing so. On the DVD this exposure is at 21:11 and lasts for less than a second. A DVD player with zoom helps here, as she's in the background.

probably body double for nipple flash

In the first season episode "Working Girl", Hannah Cutrona plays a call girl who's supposedly taking a bubble bath. I say "supposedly" because you don't get to see the body (except for the backs) and face together. The closeup of the back in the tub and Hannah Cutrona's back as she pulls a towel around her appear a bit different; the one in the tub has broader shoulders. Also in the tub her fingernails are quite a bit longer.

Anyway, at 04:16 into the episode on the DVD there's a nice hot pink nipple (the right) clearly poking through the suds. This exposure lasts a couple of seconds.